Back to blue

With the Phillies victory in the series and their parade, the season is now completely over.

The failure threat level is reset to BLUE, the dull ache of the winter after.

See ya in the spring, barring any hot stove disasters.

Doomengloom, over and out.

Its done.

Oh, even somewhere in our troubled land the sun is shining bright; The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light, And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; But there is no joy in New England— the '08 Sox have petered out.

Failure is complete.

Threat Level: FADE To BLACK

Stick a fork in 'em

Bases loaded in the 8th and they can't score a run.

They're done.

Rays up 3-1

Willie frakking Aybar hits a HR to make it 3-1. Start the funeral marches.

Rays ahead....

and Pedroia caught stealing, its all over.....

Rays tie it...

the boys needed more than a one run lead.

I don't know...

Both teams in a do or die situation, the Rays rose to the occasion all season...
I'll leave the level at WHITE HOT.

Game 6 Review, Game 7 Preview

Ok, well, this is baffling to me. Last year, we had all given the Sox up for dead versus the media-darling Indians only to have J.D. Drew spark the rally that eventually brought us the 2007 World Championship.

This year, we had all given the Sox up for dead versus the media-darling Rays, only to have J.D. Drew spark the rally that has brought us here, to Game 7 of the 2008 ALCS.

So what can we expect from Game 7? Well, Jon Lester has been brilliant in 2008 except he stunk in Game 3. Matt Garza (whom I had on my fantasy team so I know his ups and downs) has been great in the playoffs. The question is: which version of each pitcher shows up? Garza can be great, but he can also fall to pieces (think of him as the Rays' Matsuzaka), Lester can be great, but he is way over his innings pitched from last year, so does he have anything left?

Speaking of anything left, does Papelbon have anything left to close the game tonight if need be? He was hitting only about 91-92 on the radar gun in Game 6 and even he admitted he doesn't know what he has left.

So, what do I think will happen in Game 7?

No frakking clue, but if I've learned anything in the past 5 years, it is that the Sox seem to have mastered the ALCS rope-a-dope.

Hey they won...

Huh, how 'bout that?

I mean that's great, but now they have to win tomorrow...

Rays tie it up, raise the level!

Failure Threat Level is back to WHITE HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

very close....

They're only one run up....it doesn't seem good.

Don't get cocky...

After we all settle down, we should realize Thursday was one game. There is no longer any margin for error.

Beckett is no longer "Beckett"
Papi is no longer "Papi"
With the exception of those late innings on Thursday, no one is hitting.

Sure there is momentum and the spirit of '04 and '07.

But there is still the ghosts of Dent, Buckner and Boone...

OK, I allow also for the ghosts of Fisk, Henderson and Schill, but still.
My head hurts. Just don't be surprised if they lose OK.

BTW I know they're not dead, ghosts is a literary allusion.

Well then....

They still easily could and probably will blow it on Saturday, but for now enjoy.

And in an unprecedented move, we downgrade the threat level back to HOT PINK.

Sox coming back, but...

7-4 now, Bay just walked. Could it mean...

No, let's not get too excited.

The End is Nigh!

9 Sox outs away (although the Rays still are up), reality is setting in once again. The Sox can and will fail miserably.

Only silver lining: bandwagon fans leave in droves and stop infesting Fenway with their ignorant, arrive late-leave early, cellphone talking, and souvenir hoarding ways and skulk back to their McMansions and dorm rooms.

The real fans will suffer but abide.

Threat Level at White Hot!

Attention: Rays score two runs in the top of the 1st.

The RSN Failure Threat is now WHITE HOT*


Take cover immediately.
Provide your list of reasons why they are failing to all within earshot.
Use copius amounts of profanity.
Swing wildly in mood from morose to angry.
Blame a vengeful God.
Deny the existence of God.
Take zero, non, nada, zilch comfort in 2004 and 2007.

*Threat graphic lists White Hot as "defeat being snatched from the jaws of victory", it should also read, "Season ending failure in progress".

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Game over man!"

13-2 in the 8th...OK, thats it. Old New Englanders like Cotton Mather would tell us we are being punished by God for our pride (or something like that). I can't say anymore right now, Evan Dwight can post the after game wrap-up.

As in wrapping up the corpse!


Oh yeah before I go:

Failure Threat Level is raised to HOT PINK - Season Ending Failure Imminent.

Ulcers developing

Tonight, Wakefield is on the mound...the season is riding on a old knuckleballer. Beckett couldn't close the deal the other night and Lester stunk up the place last night; what hope is there?!

The bandwagoners who are taking up all the seats went dead quiet last night as soon as things started going bad. That's disgraceful, real fans would have at least booed and showed some negative emotion. Total silence, the boys may as well been playing before an empty park in Butte Montana!

Its alllllll over!

Francona you're finished!


And you thought we would downgrade from Bloody Crimson after the Angels series? Ha! We knew better.

It remains Bloody Crimson with an upgrade to Hot Pink very likely.

Failure Threat Level raised again!

What? you say.
Yes the Sox made it into the postseason and the ALDS doesn't even begin for 2 hours, nevertheless the Undersecretary has decide to raise the level to:

BLOODY CRIMSON - season ending failure likely in the next week.

Here's the rationale. Beckett and Lowe are hurt, Papelbon has not been consistently lights out and Manny's bat, I hate to say, will be missed. Add to that the fact that the Angels have dominated the Sox all year and this is a best of 5 series. So the season could be over in the next week.

As for the national economy, the Failure Threat Level is obviously WHITE HOT!

Stranded

OK, so the Sox are within a 1.5 games with the Rays coming to town for three. They win the first game, but then Papelbon blows a save. Then last night they couldn't close the deal despite putting men on in multiple extra innings. The Rays get the big blast after the Sox blew so many chances. How many of the boys were left stranded? I lost count, I'm sure the stats nerds know, but it really doesn't matter - no way they can go far in the post-season by stranding the equivalent of the population of Brighton on base!

And what was with Papi bunting?

Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its not the Sox, but:

BRADY WENT DOWN

and Palin is David Duke in a skirt.......



WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not getting it done

Like a battered patient clinging to life, the Bloody Hose have not gotten worse (overall) but definitely have not gotten better. They have actually lost ground to the Evil Rays and maintain a 2.5 game lead over the Twinkies for the Wild Card.
It doesn't help though when you strand 11 batters like they did yesterday. Its even worse when its against a team you could face in the postseason, if they are able to make it that far!

Gloom increases

Beckett is now on the 15 day DL after seeing "Dr. Doom", Dr. James Andrews in Pensacola., Fla. He's the doc pitchers go to when they have serious problems.
And (very) Old Man McCain picked a fundamentalist whack job who has a smaller constituency than Mumbles Menino.

Dark days indeed.

Status: Critical

We stayed quiet for the past few weeks to stay out of the Manny chaos. It would seem perfect fodder for us and we could whine about the departure of Manny foreshadowing the end of the season and how it was equivalent to another Babe Ruth trade. But even we couldn't stoop to that level of ridiculousness. Lamenting over Manny is for the bandwagon crowd.
(BTW: the Ruth trade was not the cause of the Sox 86 year WS drought. Read Red Sox Century for the real reasons. And the idea of a "Curse of the Bambino" came not the fans, but from the media).

Regardless of all that, the Sox status is critical. The remaining pitching is disappearing and Francoma's boys barely escaped a Blue Jay sweep. The Rays are for real and just will not lose.
The RS have not gained any real ground and remain 4/12 back with a month to go.
Even more chilling is the fact that they lead the Twinkies in the Wild Card race by one, count 'em one, game. A Bloody Crimson alert level is possible before the posteseason.
Theo et al rested on the pitching from last year and we see the results.

And its not too soon the panic over the Pats. We haven't seen Brady and the backup committee is none too impressive,

Failure Threat Level Raised!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Sox have been swept by the Angels 9-2, despite Beckett on the mound. The Angels now have Mark Teixeira and they are obviously no longer vulnerable to the Sox. Also, the Rays and Yankees both won handily tonight; meaning the Francoma boys are falling behind TB and the A-Rod crew is poised to pass them. Even worse, despite the loss of Posada, the Yankees remained strong behind the plate by trading for Pudge Rodriguez. And what has Theo the Wonder Boy done yet in the trades? Nada!

The threat is growing, real members of RSN know this feeling of foreboding, so it is time to raise the Red Sox Failure Threat Level to

FOREBODING RED

Take all necessary precautions:
1) Start saying, "It's all over" and "Francona you're finished".
2) Question all front office decisions since 2000 on every message board and blog you can find.
3) Declare your intentions to quit watching or listen to the games.
4)Demand the Manny be traded (if it that does happen, declare it to be the worst move ever).

Failure looming, not yet inevitable

Back from the Last Frontier...as much as the situation improved during my self-imposed exile (Rays slipping, Big Papi returning) it also worsened (swept by Angels, lost 2 of 3 to the Yankees, Bad Manny rising). I did witnessed the day game in Seattle where it took 12 innings to beat the lowly Seattle 'Ners. Now they've lost 2 straight to the Anaheim Angels of LA or Orange County Angels of SoCal or Ahnold's Angels of Hollywood whatever they're calling themselves these days.

The threat of collapse is looming, but isn't a certainty...yet.

Alert level steady, but not rising

The Sox finish the first "half" of 2008 at 57-40 (.588), a half game up on the reeling Rays and six up on the Yankees in the AL East. Now we can look forward to the Sox swoon as they head to the west coast.

Twinkies dispatched

We can breathe a very short sigh of relief as the Sox swept the Twins. Meanwhile, the Rays are reeling. And the Yankees lost to the Pirates. Wait. What? No! Stop those thoughts! This is just the calm before the storm! Right? Right?!

Brett F*&king Gardner

The Red Sox just let Brett "I'm batting .100" Gardner beat them off their All Star closer Jonathan Papelbon (and against the Yankees no less). That puts the Sox a full 5 games behind Tampa Bay for the AL East, and only 2.5 games up on Minnesota for the wild card. And who is strolling into town for a three game series? Yes, the Twins.

Folks, we could be looking up at both the AL East and the Wild Card come the All Star Break. It might be time to start rationing and break out the bomb shelters.

Let us assess the situation

Hi all, this is Evan Dwight, the fill in for Doom while he's off burying his head in the tundra during the All Star Break.

Just thought we could sit back and assess a few things here.

1. The AL East standings as of 7/3/2008:

Tampa Bay Rays: 52-32
Boston Red Sox: 50-37, 3.5 GB
New York Yankers: 45-40, 7.5 GB
(the other teams)

Yes, the Sox are currently looking up at the Tampa Bay Rays. This is the baseball equivalent of waking up one morning to realize the mailboy from the office is sleeping with your wife. And she's handing your the divorce papers. And the dog is vomiting on you.

2. Varitek, the team captain, is hitting poorly.

Let us play a fun game.

2008 Stats:
Catcher A: 231 AB, .216 AVG, .300 OBP, 7 HR, 26 RBI
Catcher B: 188 AB, .218 AVG, .293 OBP, 6 HR, 24 RBI

Can you guess who they are?

(no peaking)

Ready?
A: Captain 'Tek
B: Lifetime backup's backup, Paul Bako (Cincinnati)

Yes, we're in need of some catching help.

3. What pitches 4.2 innings in the last week and gives up 13 hits, 11 runs, 5 walks with only 5 strikeouts?

Give up?

It is the Red Sox "top middle relief" trio of Delcarmen, Hansen & Okajima!

Ugh.

4. So far, there is little indication that things will change.
The rotation is set for now, with Beckett, Dice, Wakefield, Masterson and Lester. Buchholz is waiting in the wings at Pawtucket.
The hitting has been OK, minus the slumps of 'Tek, Manny and Ellsbury.

Maybe we need to slide Masterson to the bullpen, bring Buchholz back up and give that a shot.

You know, that and pray Papi gets back and hits 40 HRs from here on in.

Am I right? Am I right?

Sigh.

sickening

We held off for the month of June, but now is the time to panic.

Injuries are mounting, Manny being Manny now involves assault and the Sox have let themselves be swept by the Rays while the Tampa fans out-shouted RSN....humliating.

And Francoma sits there like its all going according to plan.

The only good that could come of this is that maybe it'll scare off the damn tourist fans, who need to take there ignorance, cell phones and pink shirts and go back to their suburban subdivisions and wait for the McMansion to be foreclosed and the Hummer to be repossesed.

The undersecretary is going to hide in Alaska for a few weeks and hope things improve before he sees the Sox at Safeco. Before he goes he'll evaluate whether or not to raise the level.

I'll try to get someone else to provide updates in the meantime.

THREAT LEVEL IS RAISED!

Dice-K is hurt and the Sox still can't overcome the D-Rays, the friggin' D-Rays of all teams.

It is now time to raise the Failure Threat Level to Screaming Orange.

Begin to take precautions for failure:

Increase listening to "EEI
Begin working on ulcer.
Practice saying "you bums"!

Big 2 worries

2 scratches

Josh Beckett missed Tuesday night because of neck stiffness and now Dice-K is out with the flu. Although they manged to scrape by last night, it can't be good to have two aces go down so suddenly at such a crucial point in the season, can it?

After an emergency meeting of the panic committee, it was decided to leave the threat level were it is.

DHI Endorses Hillary Clinton

It may seem like an odd thing for a fictitious agency of a fan culture based "nation" to do, especially on the eve of a non-New England primary. Nevertheless, the Department of Homeland Insecurity heartily endorses Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton for prez.

Why?

Well first the BoSox have not been giving us material of late (especially with Big Papi working out of his slump).

But more importantly, Hill's selfish dedication to her own candidacy at the expense of her party and their likely nominee is a chilling reminder of past Sox teams that foundered because of the self-centered behavior of their players.

Bravo Senator, bravo. Dick Stuart would be proud!

Stankees strike first

Wang pitched better than he usually does in Fenway, but the Sox didn't help themselves either. I mean two hits and one of those a bunt?

Manny and Papi were hitless in six at bats with three strikeouts and a double play!

"You see fly balls, you think the results would be different," Boston manager Terry FranComa said. "He (Wang) was very efficient." C'mon Terry, give these boys a kick in the ass and don't sit on your WS laurels.

Opening Day Karma

In another ill-conceived move, the First Pitch for '08 was thrown by none other than Bill Buckner.

Talk about tempting fate! Now '86 was not the sole fault of Bill, but the series of events he found himself in was symbolic of that case of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

The Undersecretary remembers that just before Buckner's big misplay in '86, the sportscasters put up a graphic showing what the price bread etc. was in 1918, the last time, they said, that the Sox had won the series. Some may say that the lesson is that it ain't over 'til it's over, but we think the lesson is you never know what can be a jinx, and mighty Fate does not like to tested!

Disastrous Canadian Expeditions

Back during the Revolution (the winter of 1775-1776 to be precise), invasions of Canada was launched from Ft. Ticonderoga and the coast of Maine with the goal of conquering Quebec City. The expedition through the wilds of Maine (led by none other than Benedict Arnold) lost 500 of 1,100 men through smallpox and starvation before even reaching Quebec. Not surprisingly, we had the type of unmitigated disaster that only New Englanders could appreciate. In fact, the Dead River in Maine got its name from this foray into the Great White North. Oh yeah, Quebec was never taken either.

In the cold Spring of '08 the Red Sox continue this proud New England tradition of Canadian debacles by getting swept by the Jays. Even the mighty Josh Beckett couldn't stop the bloodshed.

The only thing preventing the panic button from being pushed is not that it's only April, but that the maintenance crew has yet to install it!

so far so...?

The Yaysayers (copyright pending) in RSN will tell you that the Olde Towne Team is off to a good start, but it is our job to remind you that the fuller the glass, the more easy it is to spill!
And its still April. However, the Department is not opposed to you getting your hopes up, it makes our purpose all the more important when the clouds begin to gather!

SI Jinx!

The Sox are on the cover of SI!

OK, it's apparently the inside fold-out that has Ellsbury and Buchholz, http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/extras/extra_bases/2008/03/cover_boys_agai.html but that's even worse! Its a stealth Jinx.
A lot of people are now picking the Sox to finish behind the Evil Empire...
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/baseball/mlb/specials/spring_training/2008/previews/index.html

Fact is, they didn't look good in Tokyo. Its never too early to begin worrying. The SI forecast has them only 5 ahead of Toronto, easy to lose 5 and fall behind into third.

The Sox were too cheap to get Johan and now are paying the price as their rotation falls apart!
Why, why why?!

Raise the Failure Threat Level!

First loss of the season happened today, in game 2! This raises the Threat Level to "Flaming Orange". Lester was shaky out there.

Well they won...

Which is good, but if you look for the cloud and not the silver lining you'll see that Dice-K was shaky and Drew was suddenly pulled out of the line-up just before the game.

No change to the threat level.

Failure Threat Level

Threat Level is Glaring Yellow.

From the Boston Globe: Both David Ortiz and Daisuke Matsuzaka wore eyeglasses when they participated in the breaking of the sake barrel at an official welcoming party Friday night. "I'd never seen Dice-K with glasses," said Tom Werner. "It worried me a little. Maybe he needs glasses."

The Globe Predictions

Only Shaughnessy, the CHB who propogated the Curse of the Bambino Myth, has NOT predicted that the Sox finish first. What does he know? CHB has always been a reliable source of self-pity for the insecure of RSN to wallow in.