FAILURE THREAT INCREASING!

LIKE A WINGNUT ON A MESSAGE BOARD, ITS TIME FOR ALL CAPITALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE THREAT LEVEL IS RAISED TO BLOODY CRIMSON.

SEVEN GAMES OUT OF FIRST, NOW BEHIND TEXAS FOR THE WILD CARD.

BUMS, THEY'RE ALL BUMS. THEY ONCE HAD THE BEST RECORD IN BASEBALL. BUT A STORY COMES OUT ABOUT PAPI JUICING AND THEY ALL GIVE AND GO HOME AT THE ALL-STAR BREAK. IT IS NOW OBVIOUS THAT THEO IS NO GENIUS, JUST LUCKY.

Pathetic

They've given up, that's the only logical explanation. They were 8-0 versus the Yankees prior to the break, now they get swept. They couldn't even score a run for 31 innings or something like that. And Papi....oh Papi....

But this is what we can expect from the Sox. It feels oh so familiar to the true Sox fans. Were '04 and '07 even real? Were they some manufactured marketing scam that now appear to be abnormal seasons in the Sox' retinue of failure?

At least we should see a mass exodus of the pink-hatters.

Raise the Threat Level!

The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Insecurity has raised the Red Sox Failure Threat Level to Foreboding Red.

Repeat after me, "Its alllll over. Francona-you're finished!"

So ya thought they turned things around, eh?

Well you were wrong. Sure they closed within a half game of the Yankees, but never fear, they blow a two game series to the Rays.

And here comes the evil empire.

Just like the day of old.

Inching up to Foreboding Red.

Things are not improving...

...in fact, since last week things seem to be getting progressively worse. Smoltz continues to be useless, Wakefield is on the DL and Papi is doubtful.

Speaking of useless, Dice-K has crossed a cultural barrier and adopted a time-honored tradition for underperforming Sox prima donnas - publicly bashing the team and management for his own failings.

Yes they're 3 and 2 since the last alert on the 23rd, but that's not going to get them into first or the post-season.

5 straight losses

Swept by Texass? Grrr....

The Globe's Nick Carfado claims the LaRoche deal may be setting the stage for a some sort of big move by Theo.

I'll believe when I see it. Here at the department we are losing faith in young Mr. Epstein.

yeah, that'll help

Just saw this:
"The Red Sox, who have struggled offensively in the last week, have acquired struggling first baseman Adam LaRoche in a trade with the Pirates, CBSSports.com has confirmed."

Just add another drowning swimmer to the pool, eh?

We're back!

We here at the department have been slacking off terribly. We became deluded that the Sox could succeed this year and there was no reason to worry...be happy! Yours truly, Doomengloom, skipped work to pursue other interests, and even took off to Western Pacific in June, confident that there was no threat of failure. Evan Dwight didn't bother to cover because he too was lost in la-la land thinking that the Sox success was guaranteed. We even cancelled our contract with Dick Cheney as a doom consultant.

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We now see that the Yankees have easily slipped into first as the Sox decided not to return mentally from the All-Star Break. Dice-K? Worthless and tying up salary. We could go on, but it all adds to an increase in the failure threat level to:

ORANGE RAGE!

This is the time to begin screaming at the TV, sports pages (both print and web), blogs and message boards. Throw your Sox hat to the ground in disgust. Slap around a tourist fan (you know the ones) for being a jinx. Most of all call in to sports radio and demand action!

Also, please take note of our new threat level graphic.

Reset the Threat Level

Hope Springs Eternal! Pitchers and catchers report...and we reset the Failure Threat Level to the lowest active level: Hope Springs Green.

Welcome back to another year of hope...and despair!


Note: we will have a new threat level graphic soon.